22 August 2006

Grenada: 2, Patrick:0.

In the game of life, I am definitely not on the winning team. I have wished for years and years that somehow I would be drafted or traded; maybe I could try-out again for a new team; maybe I could somehow audition for a different group; maybe anything would change the ridiculous stream of bad situations in which I always seem to find myself.

You’re saying to yourself, ‘Patrick, why do you even try any longer? You are definitely not allowed to even have thoughts of grandeur as your past experiences should clearly dictate your future responses.’ Well, I won’t lie; I was feeling moderately confident that things would go well for me during my most recent excursion to the lovely, hot, humid and painfully Caribbean island of Grenada.

Grenada scored the first point on 13 August 2006. This occurred in multiple forms. It began on 9 August 2006, when a group of terrorists were arrested for the idea of bombing multiple airplanes with liquid explosives. This would normally not affect me in any way; however, as I was planning on taking multiple plane flights the following Sunday, things were about to get a little interesting.

As always, I am required to fly on the ever-fabulous, ever-service oriented, ever-helpful American Airlines. This sad state of affairs is only compounded by the fact that I was not even able to check my luggage all the way to Grenada. In practical terms, this means that every time I disembark from a plane throughout my journey, I will need to collect my luggage and re-check it at the ticket counter. And so, at 3.00am, it began.

Flying out of O’Hare is, for me, a pleasant experience. I have been through the security checkpoints in many occasions and have yet to encounter a problem in any form. Today would be no different. I breezed through in about five minutes as Madeline, Maggie and Mom watched me remove my shoes but keep my chap-stick a mystery. (Although I was previously informed by a supremely helpful American Airlines agent that my chap-stick would be confiscated by security personnel, this threat never materialized and I was able to circumvent the metal detector and x-ray machine with contraband on my person. Who knew lip-balm would one day bring down society as we know it?)

Unfortunately, things took a turn for the worse when the plane sat on the runway for an extra 30 minutes. This was explained by the captain as a ‘simple computer error in which we have to manually reenter the flight information as it was lost when we transferred from an external power source to an internal power source’. Oh right, because that sounds completely benign. Nothing to see here folks, just a computer crash right before we leave the gate.

Finally, we leave Chicago for the friendly confines of San Juan. Can you even imagine a better place on Earth? Actually, I can and have, and on my current trip, I would even wish for the complete destruction of the entire island. As a result of the lateness of my American Airline experience, I was cutting it fairly close for the next flight of the day. Scheduled to leave Puerto Rico at 2.05 en route to St. Vincent, I needed to literally RUN from the baggage claim, up the stairs and back into the ticketing area, where I would hopefully find the CaribbeanSun airline counter.

Interesting enough, San Juan is quite possibly the busiest airport I have ever seen. There were more people, in more different lines, for more different airlines, with the most luggage, I have ever seen. It was absolute chaos. When I finally got the counter for CaribbeanSun, despite being over an hour early for my flight, I was politely informed that, “I won’t be checking you in for your flight; you’re too late.”

Well, thought I, that’s very interesting, as I have another flight waiting for me in St. Vincent that will take me to my final destination. “Excuse me? I’m here on time. I need you to check me in so I can make my next flight and get to Grenada.”

- “I’m sorry, sir, there is no possible way you will be leaving Puerto Rico tonight. The security lines are four hours long.”

Whoa. Now that changes everything. I really have to leave Puerto Rico in the next few hours. It’s possible I became less cordial at this point. “Is there any way you can get me through security more quickly? I know you sent a few people in front of me through to the head of the line, how about one more?”

- “Sir, you must be mistaken. I did not go with them through security; there is no way to avoid the line.”

- “I know you did not go with them, but I watched you print their tickets and then have them run with a different agent right to the front. I literally watched it happen.”

- “Sir, I need you to step out of the line so I can help the next person. When I am finished with everyone I will speak with you about your situation, but there is no way you will be getting on the flight to St. Vincent.”

So, a fun time was had by all. I dutifully moved to the side and watched and listened as she did the exact same thing to the next ten people in line, leaving a large group of us completely stranded in San Juan. After it become perfectly clear that we would not be receiving any assistance from the CaribbeanSun people until after they had finished with whatever useless paper-work they were completing, I thought I would head over the American Airline counter to complain about them being late and me missing my flight.

- “Sir, I show that the flight was only twenty minutes late. That sounds fairly normal to me. Weren’t you expecting something like this to happen?”

- “No, I was hoping the plane would be on time so that I could actually get to my subsequent flight.”

- “Well, I’m afraid I can’t help you since we were actually within what could be considered a normal amount of time. You should have left yourself more time between flights.”

Right, because I needed you to advise me on how to plan for my next flight to be late. I’m sure when I head back to the CaribbeanSun counter, the supervisor there (who we were told would be arriving around 4.30) would be more helpful.

- “I’m surprised you all missed the same flight. When I fly with my wife, she always complains, but I tell her, ‘We need to arrive four hours early for our flights because there are bound to be problems’,” he explained to all of the stranded passengers.

Oh, I needed to be lectured by both of the agents with whom I had spoken. Thank goodness I wouldn’t be leaving San Juan without a massive dose of new information. Also, I’ve never flown before, so I really needed all this help on how to get from one airport to another without problems.

After informing us of our ridiculous mistakes, the supervisor left and again left us without even a representative at the counter. Finally, around 7.00pm, an agent arrived with good news. She was going to give us food coupons and work on our situation while we all ate. Now we were starting to get somewhere. As she explained, and I am not making this up, “My manager is an a-hole and so I am just going to send you away for food and help you since he won’t.”

Rock on, sister. As she worked, we ate airport food and contemplated our current fates. I made friends with a potential roommate for the night in San Juan and we headed back to the counter. Since we had left, one good thing had transpired. Debernise, my new favorite employee of CaribbeanSun, had convinced the powers-that-be to schedule a new flight at 9.00am for those of us who were stuck. “Hopefully,” she said to me, “they can correct your ticket in S. Vincent, and you will be able to make the same flight, but just a day later.” I’m happy with that, so can I have my hotel-voucher now?

Not so much. Although the airline is going to get us to St. Vincent, they are not feeling particularly responsible for our overnight situation. Well, it’s off to the hotel with a friendly 4th-term student named Michelle, with whom I will share the outrageous bill of $160 for a double-room, except for the fact that they are completely out of twin-beds, so we will receive a queen-size for the same price. Being the gentleman you have come to know and love, I volunteer to sleep on the floor, until we get to the room to see that there is not actually enough floor-space to store my luggage. We both completely passed out on the bed around 10.00pm as, for us, the day had actually begun around 3.00am.

Point: Grenada.

With a wake-up call scheduled for 4.30am, we were in line as soon as the counter opened at 5.00. There was no earthly way we were missing the next flight. Ironically (but not really), there was no one in the entire airport. We spent five minutes going through security, where, they opened everyone’s bags and we discovered why things were taking so long on the previous day. They basically used the x-ray machines to determine that everything was contraband and wanted to check everything. However, I again managed to get my chap-stick into the gate areas.

Though our 9.00am flight was delayed about 30 minutes, we managed to safely arrive in St. Vincent around 1.00pm, and, our luggage made it with us. Things were starting to look up, and I was feeling more and more confident. That feeling lasted about as long as it took me to find an agent for CaribbeanStar (for some reason, they change names, despite being the same company).

As helpful as American Airlines, the agent informed me that it was again my fault that I missed the flight the day before, and why did I think that they were supposed to help me? Hmmm, something called corporate responsibility? Apparently that doesn’t exist south of Florida. So, despite some serious haggling with the agents and supervisors of multiple airlines, I was offered a ticket from St. Vincent to St. Lucia to Barbados to Grenada. I would hopefully arrive in Grenada by approximately 8.00pm.

At this point, I have exhausted my options; I’ve taken names without prisoners; I’ve lost my will to live, but I still have my luggage. “Fine, I’ll take the ticket since it will be guaranteed seating and I don’t think my stomach can handle the sound of a ‘standby’ ticket.”

- “OK, the total is $250.00”

- U.S.?!?” Holy Shit! “Are you sure you added it correctly? What does that come out to in U.S.?”

- “Sir, that is in U.S. dollars. Airline travel isn’t cheap.”

Oh, ha-ha, you’re so funny. Wait until I come back in my next life as a terrorist. You think I’m going to attack the United States – think again chief. So, I pony-up the money and am handed my legitimate ticket to Grenada. Michelle and I (the rest of the plane’s final stop was actually St. Vincent, so they are happy to be on solid ground at this point) head to the restaurant for some food and then immediately to the gate so that we will not be late for our next flight, and we wait.

And wait. And wait. Finally, a full hour after it was supposed to leave the island, we are called to the door. At this point I think a brief description of the St. Vincent airport is required. Imagine you are standing in your garage at home. Now, imagine that your garage is hot, the air-conditioner is broken and dripping on the seats in the ‘lounge’ and there are three regular-sized doors looking out into your driveway where your garage-door used to be. You are now in the St. Vincent airport.

So, we get on the plane, take our 25-minute flight to St. Lucia and then take another 45-minute flight to Barbados. Since our flight was so late, we have to run from the arriving gate to the departing gate, but we make it with over an hour to spare. How were we so efficient? Our luggage was checked all the way through. We sat with baited breath with anticipation for our next flight and our final destination. Karma be damned, I’m getting to Grenada tonight!

Finally, around 9.00pm (fully two hours after we were supposed to take-off), a CaribbeanStar plane lands and we are called to the gate for our boarding. But, the passengers are being unloaded for the plane as we watch! An agent comes out and informs everyone that there are mechanical difficulties and they do not know how long it is going to take to be fixed. I have a feeling that things were about to get ugly between myself and some of the airline personnel, but, fortunately, the issue is almost immediately resolved and we head rapidly to the plane.

I can honestly say I never thought I would actually be happy and relieved to be in Grenada, but I truly was. I was feeling good about life, ready to get a shower, change into some nice clean clothes and have a restful sleep, as classes begin the next morning at 8.00am. But, at around 10.00pm, when they finished pulling all the luggage off the plane, I had an epiphany: Guns are not allowed on airlines because passengers would shoot the baggage personnel when they arrived without luggage at their final destination! I can’t even begin to describe the emotional response I was having at that moment, but I am pretty certain that if I were any older, the potential for cardiac problems definitely would have presented itself at that moment.

Point: Grenada.

I have, at this point, fully recovered my luggage and my good-nature has been restored to the point that I can tolerate the word airport, but I don’t think now is a good time to be pushing the issue. All of the above events took place within a 42-hour window on the 13th and 14th of August, beginning at 3.00 on Sunday, ending on Monday. Classes actually began Tuesday morning at 8.00am, and I’ll be damned it I wasn’t there despite not having had a pillow the night before!

My apologies for the length of this horrible story, but if it didn’t get told in one piece, I don’t believe anyone, me included, could actually appreciate the significance of the events that took place. Cheers to Debernise, for without whom I would not have eaten on the previous Sunday.

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well words cannot express my laughter adn tears when reading this. Glad you are there safe and sounds. Perhaps shipping all goods would be the way to go. Happy studies.

:) Rita

6:47 PM  
Blogger maxwell's house said...

Paddy, I love the story, now I can see that these things don't just happen to me....study hard!!
best wishes,
Emma

10:39 AM  
Blogger DrG said...

Hey Pat, I put your blog up on my webring. Keep posting and thank you.

1:02 PM  

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