From the home office in Wauwatosa, WI . . .
1. "It's not the Jolly's pool, we pay rent here and we own the pool." - Mrs. Rooney, wife of a professor. A dear friend of mine secured housing in a duplex with a pool in the backyard. Unfortunately, the first time we attempted to use said pool, the upstairs tenants objected heartily to this intrusion of the property. This become a constant mantra throughout the term as she was mocked mercilessly for her attitudes.
2. "When I was a boy, my father took me aside and said, 'Look, Boy, it only takes a few minutes.' Now, you labor for four hours and still want longer." - Dr. Hans Baer, professor of pharmacology, explaining the benefits (or apparent lack thereof) of Viagra.
3. "If any of you want to be rheumatologists, I'll kill you. You have loans to pay, you don't want to be rheumatologists." - Dr. Jimmy Lawrence, professor and practitioner of rheumatology, which is essentially the study of joints and connective tissue diseases.
4. "Our team is like herpes - we're always hanging around." - Andy, discussing the ability of his team during a rousing round of flippy-cup, and illustrating the great applicability of medical knowledge to everyday life.
5. "See, this is more fun than anatomy. I bought the twisted pleasure kind." Dr. Francis McGill, during an incredibly informative lecture on birth control. She proceeded to pass around said condom, along with several IUD's, and later apologized for not bringing a dental dam.
6. "Actually, I've been told when I buy suits that my arms are a bit longer than my legs should indicate. So, I blame that on operating on fat ladies all the time and leaning over the operating table." - Dr. Theo Welch, 80 year-old professor and surgeon, explaining how fractures can stunt limb growth.
7. "Technically we're winning because we're the only ones drinking." - Jeff, explaining how his losing effort resulted in a win during a party we labeled "Football Saturday" early in the semester.
8. "My girlfriend's mother has an HDL [cholesterol level] of 120. She is never going to die." Dr. Manny Suarez, professor of geriatrics, explaining life expectancy, while his girlfriend was in attendance.
9. "If I wrote a book one day regarding how to get through your first year in residency, the title would be Don't Fuck Up." Dr. Suarez, describing what should be our first priority in residency.
10. "For example, after this lecture, I'm going to go back to the hotel and I'm going to start to drink, to try and recover from this experience." - Dr. John Saldini, during the middle of his first ever lecture, explaining the balance of salt and water in the body.
And finally, last, but probably the most memorable quote from our entire term, oft repeated for no apparent reason at all hours of the day:
11. "Guuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrlllllllllllllllllllllll . . . yo' baby's turnin' blue!" - Dr. Lawrence, perfectly copied, during an explanation on anaphylactic shock and the patient's friend's reaction.
Stay tuned for further updates as my classmates and I prepare for the United States Medical Licensing Examination (USMLE - Step 1) and the likely hijinks that will ensue.