Return of the 'Top-Ten'

As so often happens at Bob Marley State University, I tend to lose track of all things in time and space. Actually, I think the real problem is that I happened to live close to the construction that was going in these recent terms – this causes a tremendous amount of marijuana to come floating through the air and into the rooms in which I reside. I say “rooms” as it becomes increasingly clear that I have not lived in an apartment or dorm, but rather, a cell that has stifled all creativity and destroyed my will to write and entertain those faithful who rely on my messages of encouragement, including Capt. Hutchens and his older-than-God son.

So, now that I am in full-recovery mode back in Milwaukee, WI, (which, although not technically Canada – in fact, it doesn’t even border Canada – is absolutely freezing. I think I have actually suffered frost-bite on two occasions already and I am working on a third), I am ready to write about the pleasantries that have occurred during the latest six-month streak on the tropical paradise that is Grenada.

To prepare for the onslaught of information that is the combination of 3^rd and 4^th terms in Grenada, I thought that I should begin with the Semi-Annual BMSU Top Ten List. Without further ado, let’s get to the quotes:

1. “So, when a 53-year-old CEO goes downtown to see his dominatrix and gets whipped on the bare buttocks while licking a toilet, that may reinforce the behavior.” – This was said by Dr. John Pettus, course director of the Behavioral Science class in Term 3. He was discussing conditioned stimuli and conditioned responses and chose to use an extremely colorful description. It was not just that he used this particular description, but he has the tendency to speak in an unbelievable monotone, and was able to say this with a straight-face and move directly onto the next topic. Needless to say, we were quite impressed.

2. “Can you remember the three items I gave you?” – Interviewer in a video demonstrating senile dementia.
“Ball, car and something to do with dope?” – The patient responded to the questions with amazing accuracy, considering that the three items were “ball, car and grass.”

3. “Saturday I’m going to get drunk like it’s my job.” – This was my roommate Jeff when discussing what we would do after our final exams were finished in 3^rd term. It is not just the fact that we were planning on drinking that weekend, but that there was a particular party we were planning on attending; namely, the 80s party. I myself am not a fan of the themed, dress-up party, but for some reason, the school’s 80s party has found its way into our hearts. To see for yourself, the glory that is the 80s party, check out the pictures in my album.

4. “A 35-year-old male from Ohio. He likes birds . . . I’ve said too much.” – Dr. Sukumbi. A former professor from the African continent, Dr. Sukumbi often had trouble with the English language (he once used a skunk in an example question and immediately said, "Skunk? What is skunk?"). Famously, the pathology class is rife with examples of diseases that, although they are highly variable in the real world, have only one answer in the exam world. Histoplasmosis is just one of these examples wherein, according to the class, one can only catch it in the Ohio River Valley, especially around bird droppings.

Now, this next one is not for the faint of heart (seriously, don't read this if you're as old or older than my roommate Andy) . . .

5. "Sometimes you need to be discrete, like when you're molesting young girls." - Dr. Stephen Vogel, neuro-pathology professor. I'm still honestly not sure what in the name of God he was referring to, but it definitely caught everyone's attention. We were discussing the way various lesions in the brain appear in a gross specimen and he was trying to get students to see the finer points. There is no doubt that we all missed the point entirely as we were all trying to fully appreciate this particular level of discreteness.

Well, as usual, I was not capable of finding ten actual quotes. However, I am not making any of them up (especially the level of discreteness required to see a disease). Stay tuned for some great stories of Fish 'Fryday', the Cricket World Cup and more. Also, check out the pictures page for more hijinks from the 80s party and other great extra-curricular activities.