07 July 2006

No Summer School.

As a 'blog snob' (someone who only reads active blogs) myself, I can appreciate when people complain about blogs not being updated frequently enough. In my defense, my writing was originally designed to be an account of my life at school. In deference to the people who have nothing better to do than read my ramblings, however, I present the first-ever Bob Marley State University 'Top Ten List'. The theme of this top ten will be the best quotations in the last six months. Without any further ado:

1. "Dude, did I take that class?" - Dr. Dick. Immediately after walking out of arguably one of the hardest exams I've ever taken (Medical Biochemistry), one of my friends was quite legitimately concerned. To his credit, one of the questions asked about lobster tails. If that has something completely relevant to my future career, I'm going to the wrong classes, too!

2. "God, I wish I was Jewish!" - Andrew "Daddy" Hutchens III. Poor Andy. His name got him into some trouble early on in the semester. The registration clerk refused to give him his ID-card until he actually said "the third" after his name. She asked him multiple times if he "went by any other names" until he finally understood what she meant. Just another example of "Island Confusion" (i.e., being Grenadian). To add insult to injury, Andy's name isn't Jewish, and so he lacks the ability to attract favor in the eyes of a certain attractive co-ed.

3. "Michael, are you sexually active?" - Dr. Rooney, Clinical Skills Professor. As though I didn't like this department enough, this professor was proving to us the benefit of private conversations as he shouted this question across an entire lecture hall. The gentleman in question declined to answer, but was appropriately mortified for a few days.

4. "The Superior Cervical Ganglion. This is the big one. This is the last stop on a highway for the next 150 miles. Always packed, dirty seat." - Dr. Goodmurphy. Describing the major collection of nerve-cell bodies located in the neck, Dr. Goodmurphy used a particularly descriptive metaphor. Surprisingly, very few students laughed aloud, with the notable exception of me and a friend who sat next to me. We were practically crying while everyone else sat stone-faced in the lecture.

5. "Enzymes are a lot like my car. I know that when I turn it on and press the gas pedal, it goes forward, but I couldn't build my own engine." - Dr. Trotz. This is clearly a lie. Why? Because Dr. Trotz is direct from Germany, and everyone knows that all Germans could build a nuclear sub in three days if it were necessary. If you can imagine this statement being said with a thick German accent in broken English, you get the picture. Dr. Trotz also brought us such gems as, "Some people think I like smelling urine, but that is not the case," when describing the different urine diseases in biochemistry, and, "Imagine my arms are lipoproteinlipase and I am floating in a river of ice cream," while wildly waving her arms, yet not changing the intonations of her voice!

6. "There are three qualities to any 'official' Grenadian event: One, there must be huge banners promoting the only two cell-phone companies on the island, Digicell and Cable&Wireless, both of which are terrible. Two, there must be barbeque chicken and pork. This is true for things such as dodge ball tournaments, talent shows and back-sales to Easter Sunday, May Day and concerts. Three, there must be Carib beer everywhere. This is actually true of everything, including, I think, some church services." - I myself coined this trio and am quite certain it applies to every single extra-curricular event I attended throughout the entire semester. Without those three qualities, your event is doomed to failure!

7. "Dude, when you say Fall; there's no f-ing Fall. There is only Hot and Wet." This is Andy again, describing the only two seasons which occur in Grenada. This is actually true, and I have yet to experience a 'wet season', but know that it started in July.

Upon further review, there are only seven quotes in my current 'Top Ten'. Oh well, its called the 'BMSU Top Ten', and does anyone actually think Bob Marley himself could count to ten? Of course not.

Finally, a picture of the last patient to walk out of the Emergency Department at St. Michael Hospital. He was running, jumped over a fence and didn't quite make it. I won't go into further detail, but briefly mulling this over in your mind will give you an accurate description of what we were treating him for. And because it is interesting, he got one of our free sandwiches and did not have insurance. Oh, St. Mike's, how we will miss you!